In a world where children are often glued to screens, chores may be the secret to teaching life skills.

Have you ever wondered why only 28% of us assign our kids chores these days when roughly 82% of us grew up doing chores ourselves? What’s happening, people?!

My parents have both taught me a lot of life lessons, but the one that my Mom really drilled into me is chores are important. As a child…doing the chores every day…I never understood why. But as with most life lessons, you don’t understand them until you become an adult and have kids of your own. 

I know first hand that having to do chores—especially in a household of siblings—teaches kids important life lessons like:  

WHAT DO DIRTY & CLEAN LOOK LIKE?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to someone’s house and wanted to vomit when using their bathroom. I ask myself; do they not see it? Do they not smell it? Did no one show them that this is what “dirty” looks like?! I understand that everyone has a different level of “clean.” And you certainly cannot eat off my floors, so I’m not throwing stones. But I think we can all agree that if you can see pee on the toilet or on the ground, it’s dirty and gross. Since I have two boys, three including my husband, who ALL SWEAR they aim perfectly when they pee, I make them clean the toilets. Every. Single. Day. First, I made them sit during their performance. None of them liked that but I don’t care. I don’t want my bathrooms to smell like a train station. And secondly, I have Clorox wipes in every bathroom for them to use after every peepee. And third, I make them clean our downstairs bathroom that gets the most use, every day. After they clean, I do the blacklight check. I turn off the light and make them use the black light to show them where they missed pee. And to show them that although they think they can aim, they cannot. 

The same goes when they vacuum, mop, empty trash, or clean their rooms. I show them what clean and dirty looks like. I don’t do it for them. I don’t clean up after them. Even though I could; I don’t. I leave their dirty plates on the table and make them come downstairs from their rooms and clear it themselves. I constantly remind them that we ALL live in this house, and we ALL get it dirty, therefore, we ALL have to do our part to clean. It’s not a hotel. It’s not a restaurant. And Mom’s not your servant. 

My younger son, Nicolas, would always eat ice cream and throw the stick behind the couch. I collected up all that trash and dumped it in his bed. Don’t litter in my house. Don’t litter in OUR house. Have respect for your own home. 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO DO QUALITY WORK?

My Mom’s favorite line was always, “is it my clean or your clean?” Ugh. I’d internally roll my eyes, every time. Only internally cuz yall know what would happen if you’d roll your eyes at your Mama right?! Nothing good ever came of that, ha! 

My kids loathe that I give them feedback about the quality of their chores. But again, this is a life lesson. If you cannot take feedback, you will not go far in life. If they don’t know what they can do better, they will never improve. Of course, feedback stings, but they have to learn how to process it emotionally and how to apply what they are hearing to do better work. 

My kids don’t clean as well as I do or as I would want them to, but they are still learning. It’s also good experience for me to be patient and continue to work with them and not just take over and do it for them. If I have feedback for them, I usually start with, “I have a suggestion for your consideration. Are you open to feedback?” They usually huff or eyeroll, then undoubtably they say yes. I point out where they missed spots or why that isn’t clean by my standard or anyone else’s and to please remember that for next time. If it’s really bad, I actually do make them do it again. 

WHAT ARE TIME MANAGEMENT & TEAMWORK? 

Our kids are busy these days. I mean, I did sports when I was younger too, but life seems busier nowadays. So, making my kids do chores every day forces them to time-manage. They have homework, sports, friends, and fun. They have to make sure they get it all done. I don’t care how, but it has to get done and done well.  

And since some chores cannot be done until a different chore is done—like you have to vacuum before you mop—they have to figure out what to do in which order. I always tell my kids I want the outcome. I want a clean house that is MY clean. I don’t care how they do it. But they both have chores assigned every day. If they decide that one person does it and the other pays that one to do all the chores, fine by me. That’s what my brother did. He just paid me to do his chores in addition to mine. My Mom was also outcomes-based. She didn’t care how we did it, she just wanted a clean house when she came home from work. 

DEVELOPING APPRECIATION FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK 

Only when you do the work can you have empathy for and appreciate someone else’s work. I love it when Nicolas, my younger son, who has just vacuumed the entire downstairs, gets mad at Jason, my older son, for getting crumbs everywhere. He finally appreciates that it takes work to clean up those crumbs and was irritated that Jason made a mess and did not show care or appreciation for Nicolas’s work.  

WORKING FOR SOMETHING & APPRECIATING PRIVILEGE

You’re probably wondering…but how?!? HOW do you get your kids to do chores every day? Well, it’s not easy. Every day they don’t like it. Every day they want to get out of it. But I’m like a stain; I never go away. Here’s my method: 

1. I started with chores with them as soon as they could walk and hold a spray bottle. At that age it was cute, and they loved helping Mommy. As they got older, they realized they were being bamboozled and didn’t want to play anymore. This is where you have to stick to it. 

2. It’s all about routine. Make it a part of your daily life in your household. Don’t make it a big deal, just incorporate it and go. No big discussions or explanations. Everyone lives here. Everyone participates. The End. If chores haven’t been a part of your family’s life the whole time and you want to get started, then start small and keep adding chores over time. Start by just having them clean their room every day, without fail. Then after a few months, add on cleaning a bathroom every day or every other day or cleaning the kitchen every day.  

3. I use Internet access as leverage. You want me to turn on the Internet for you? That’s a mighty privilege, that is. Do your chores and I shall grant you access to that privilege. You can set up your home Wi-Fi to only turn off kids’ devices and not yours. This has become so powerful in our house that my older son, Jason, will get up earlier in the morning and do his chores BEFORE SCHOOL so that he can have Internet right when he gets home. He still has to do homework first, but at least I don’t have to ask him to do his chores. He already knows he has to earn the privilege of Internet access.  

4. I use chores as discipline, when needed, although I don’t need to use it often, gratefully! Oh, are we talking back? Guess what! I’ve got chores for you! Oh, we’re complaining about chores, are we? Well, you just earned yourself another chore, buddy! My boys learned quickly to just do the chores and be done with it.  

5. I used to pay them $5 per week allowance but I don’t do that anymore. Slowly over time, I just continued to expect the work to be done as being part of this household and no longer paid them. Instead, if I get a bonus at work, I share some of that with them. Because without their help as our team at home, maybe Mom would not have gotten the bonus. So, with that, I try to teach them that if we all work together at home, we all get to enjoy what Mom earns. They’ve been happy with that arrangement. 

The great thing now is that because it’s so routine for them, I can ask them to do other things that aren’t part of the daily “chore routine” and they will just do it. They may still eyeroll or huff, but they do it. Like mowing the lawn, washing or vacuuming the cars, cleaning the kitchen whenever I ask. 

My hope is that one day they will be able to take care of themselves and their own homes, to the point where someone doesn’t want to vomit when they use their bathroom. Since I want to live to 100, I certainly want to ensure my sons are capable and independent and don’t need me to clean up their house when I’m old. They should be cleaning up my house by that time and I want it done “Mom clean.” 

But still, I can’t wait to go to their homes one day and drop ice cream sticks behind their couches…I just cannot wait for the day! Muah muah muah!!!!